Hi, I’m Taylor and I’m an alcoholic… or at least I was until I gave up drinking (July 3, 2022). Not an alcoholic in the “let’s party and have a good time” kind of drunk, but the “please don’t talk to me until I’ve had my wine” kind of drunk. An insufferable human being who, honestly, can’t believe even had friends, and now I am a less insufferable yet sober human being who still can’t believe she has friends. We are fast approaching one year of my sobriety, and I want to overshare with all of you for a brief blog post if you so let me.

Before we get into the actual sobering part of the journey, let me tell you my initial thoughts of KavaLuv (as a then alcoholic). Not going to lie, when first learned that you shouldn’t mix kratom and/or kava with alcohol, I immediately thought, “oh fuck this place,” because why in the world would I ever listen to that bullshit? Alcohol never did me wrong and kratom made me sicker than alcohol, but only because I was drinking it on an empty stomach and pounding down drinks like it was nothing (you idiot). Who was this place to tell me I couldn’t go get shitfaced at 5pm on a Friday then come have a large Dozen Roses with crushed red? This wasn’t to say I was showing up drunk and complaining, but these strangers telling everyone not to drink while indulging in kratom or kava made me defiant. Needless to say, I didn’t come back for some time.

However, to say it was an overnight change would be a gross exaggeration, it took months and probably tons of liver damage for me to realize the path I was on. I would be counting down the hours, waiting to clock out from work to rush home a pop open a bottle of wine (per night by the way), wanting to go out to eat so I could get a fancy cocktail and hoping I wasn’t asked to drive, thinking of ways to sneak booze onto a cruise ship despite already having an unlimited booze package that I paid for. I found myself drinking more than really doing anything else, which is… well… incredibly sad. You know it’s an issue when you find all the gifts you get for your birthday and Christmas are all drinking related (shot glasses, wine glasses, booze, etc.). It wasn’t until I was honest with my therapist about how much I was drinking, and realized in the middle of my sentence that I was trying to justify leaving work early to go take Jell-O shots with a friend at 3:30pm on a Thursday. Yikes. The tides began to eventually turn, and I realized truly how much I was drinking.

It was a problem, and me becoming sober at first was a playful challenge I gave myself for no other reason than the fun of competition. Not for health reasons, not the fact that addiction runs rampant in my family, not because my therapist scolded me, not to find healthier coping skills, not to save money. Just for funsies. Randomly on a drive home blurted out that I wasn’t going to drink anymore, with no real goal in mind. I didn’t think I would be here a year later saying I am still sober and have zero intention of drinking ever again, literally the smell of alcohol makes me gag now. I lost “friendships” over not wanting to drink, some as long as ten years because I wouldn’t drink with them anymore nor wanted to be their babysitters on a bar crawl, but I quickly would find friends and create my own little community in the most unlikely of places.

That’s right, I made my way back to KavaLuv purely out of curiosity and to see Oliver. At first, I was this little wallflower who didn’t talk to anyone. You’d find me reading, doing a painting by number (yes, that is me), or just hanging out on my phone with any of the Kava dogs in my proximity. While it was never the intent, KavaLuv became a safe haven for me. I found being at KavaLuv gave me the comfort of being home, without the fridge full of wine and seltzers. I also didn’t have the temptation of drinking, because if I did, Mike would throw me out and never let me come back in, which is pretty good deterrent to not drink while on the premises. Now, I love walking into KavaLuv, and it’s not even for the sober aspect of the environment (however, a great added bonus). I love walking in because regardless of who is working, I know they will always have a smile on their face when they see me, even though I go there most every day. Little do all of the kavatenders know, that without them, I don’t know if I would have committed to the whole sober thing for this long. Not even because they knew what I was going through (because they didn’t), but just purely because the people who work there always make feel welcomed, make me want to come back to hang out with them even if they aren’t working, and I never felt like being there was in any way a hassle. Yes, I had my personal reasons and family history for wanting to avoid alcohol, but the friends and memories I made at KavaLuv only made the steps I was taking feel more manageable. Honestly, not even all the wine in the world could replace the people I have met. Oliver is pretty cute too, so that helps.  

If you’re curious about the journey of sobriety or struggle with your identity outside of drinking, you’re not alone. I thought I was going to be lame without drinking (turns out I was lame either way, but at least now I drink kratom). But that’s ok, because I did something for me, even if it meant losing people who no longer fit my lifestyle nor wanted to watch me grow. Even if it meant always being designated driver for anyone. Even if it meant I would get FOMO by missing events that were alcohol centric. I went for the journey of authenticity and self-love, and not allowing myself to hide behind the excuses you have when you drink i.e., “Sorry about last night, I was drunk.” To improve my body, my mind, my spirit, my relationships meant far more than any type of booze you could put in front of me. In that journey, I found some of the best, and most genuine people; and they just so happen to work at a kava bar. I am happy to be part of this community, and hope that if even one person doesn’t feel alone in their journey of sobriety, I did my part.